Thursday, October 19, 2006i hear your laughter on the line but it doesn't stop the pain; blue roses. absolutely love them. i can look at them for hours end on end. they take away feelings of sadness and disappointment. they're a sight of tranquil. fantasy. and maybe a medium for surreal escapism. just now i was eating horfun. and i came up with an analogy.okay maybe not exactly an analogy cause analogy is supposed to be like cheem and complicated. when you're full from eating horfun and have not finished, one more spoon of flour down may cause you to feel abit of discomfort but it doesn't kill you. so just bear with it. if it can make somebody happy. like say er it makes your dad happy that you ate all of it cause he bought it for you. somethings are not meant to be shared with anyone. because if you do the consequences will be dire. the truth will set you free.. true. but the truth will hurt before it sets you free. do i have the courage to face the truth? lies are everywhere. i am the biggest lie ive ever told. i lie to myself everynight. i lie down to sleep.. okay thats lame. but i lie. i lie about everything i do.sometimes i forget the truth. sometimes i choose to forget the truth. sometimes i lie that i've forgotten the truth. scenes start to flash. sometimes, the greatest emotion stems from a smile. i hear myself from the inside. i hear myself breathing. silently. i can hear my heartbeat. taking the view of everything in... slowly. bit by bit. painfully sadly happily unwillingly yet willingly. sometimes i feel dirty. sometimes i wonder how true love can have another dimension. it's insensitivity,it's irrationalisation,it's inconsideration. yet it redeems itself by unconditional giving and continues to perpetuate strongly.. on it's own. it's independent but not selfish. yet it can be selfish and dependent all the same. one thing's for sure. i'm so over walter. and i'm glad. i'm so glad. im' so relieved. and i guess promises were made to be broken. he broke his i broke mine he broke his i broke mine and now i'm breaking my final one to him. i feel so free. i feel so free to love. i don't feel like i have to look out for him anymore. he was right. i'll spread my wings and soar one day. just like he did long ago. i feel like letting him know. but it doesn't matter anymore. haha. and memories were meant to stay but who said they wouldn't fade with time. maybe in the end, the strongest emotions would be those in our last few moments. because it's only then that you feel a sense of brokenness that you feel so strongly inside.. that something so beautiful has to be let go of and true love has to be compromised.
a happy ending to the post though. found this picture of us in anderson HAHA. so toooooooooooooot. haha but ^^
